The other day, while waiting in the barber shop for my oldest son to get his hair cut, I started flipping through a Men’s Health magazine… for the articles, of course, not the six packs (lighting strike).

One article really caught my attention.  It was about adjusting the mirrors on your car to eliminate blind spots.  What I learned was amazing… I had been driving, for years, with my mirrors completely wrong!  I had always complained (and feared) the blind spots while driving and never changed lanes without a quick head swivel to make sure the path was clear.  I can’t tell you the number of jolts I’ve received in my driving lifetime when my head swivel revealed a vehicle that I didn’t realize was there.

So… I re-adjusted my mirrors.  Here’s how:

• While sitting as you would while actually driving, lean your head over until it is resting against the driver’s side window.  Adjust the driver’s side mirror outward until you can barely see the side of your car.
• Now, while still sitting in the driver seat, lean over toward the center of your car.  From that position, adjust the passenger side mirror outward until you can  see only the very edge of your car.
• Finally, sitting up straight with your head positioned as it would be if you were driving, adjust the rear view mirror so that you can see out of the entire rear window.

Voila… two minutes later, my mirrors were in the ‘correct’ position.

Taking It For A Spin

Heading out onto the road, I realized I could see sooo much more of what was behind and beside me.  It was amazing.  As the reflection of another vehicle slid away from my rearview mirror, it IMMEDIATELY appears in my side mirror.  There was no gap of time (the blind spot) when the other car disappeared from my view.

The world opened up behind me and that created a period of adjustment.  Because I could see alot of what was behind me now, there was much more ‘movement’ in my side mirrors than I was used to.  Since the mirrors were reflecting the world behind me, not just the side of my van and the road… it was a little distracting and I found myself glancing over to see what the flashes of color were (at the time of this writing, it was fall in East TN and the leaves of the trees were brillant).

Overall, after my adjustment period and after several days of beating myself up for ‘not knowing’ the correct way to place my mirrors before… I’m a much more confident driver.  Yes, I still do the head swivel from time to time, more out of habit than in the inability to see what is beside me but for the most part I spend much more time looking forward, in the direction I want to go.

Other Blind Spots

This experience was a perfect metaphor of how many of us live our lives with blind spots that we can’t see because we just don’t know how to adjust our view of them.  Blind spots that we fear, that distract us from forward movement.  Blind spots that keep us looking over our shoulder, using up vital energy and confidence that we didn’t even know was being drained.

An example: last week during a coaching conversation, my client shared with me how much pain his back had been giving him.  He had been to the doctor, was seeking physical therapy and losing lots of sleep and productive time to this pain. During our coaching call, he had a flash of knowing, an understanding that part of his inability to reach his financial goals was because he ‘could always do better.’  That was the message from his parents… his grades ‘could be better’, his efforts ‘could be better’.  So he was living his life never satisfied with his results, because he should be ‘doing better.’

Guess what happened? He told me that within half an hour of that coaching conversation, his back pain went away!  His ‘blind spot’ had been creating phyisical pain in his life and once it was revealed, and therefore under his control, the resulting discomfort was eliminated.  Now, he can use his widened rear view reflection in a more purposeful way.  How cool is that?

What Blind Spots Are In Your Life?

The tricky thing about blind spots is that you know they are there but since you can’t see them they just feel like a phantom, a threat hovering around you.  They can sneak up on you when you aren’t expecting it and lead to crashes both large and small.

• Relationship crashes
• Physical health crashes
• Mental health crashes
• Money and career crashes

You can’t see what you can’t see.  Just as my client couldn’t see his ‘blind spot’ until we explored it in the session, readjusted his ‘mirrors’ and helped him ‘see’ his painful past, you may find it difficult to find yours.  That is where coaching becomes so valuable.

If you are ready to expand your vision and release the oppression of those blind spots, schedule a free exploratory session with me right away.  Contact or email me at lynette[at]healingwithexperts.com.
Blessings,

Lynette

Remember, you are on the wrong side of your eyeballs to see how you move in the world.  Enlisting a second pair of eyes makes seeing those blind spots so much easier!

What those people don’t know is that that excuse is a lie. A made up story that allows them to stay stuck where they are. How do I know? Let’s do the math:

If you are getting (and I hope you are) 8 hours of sleep each night, you still have 16 hours left over each day to do the things you need to do. That equals 112 hours a week of awake time that you can account for. Now, let’s remove, for example, 3 of those hours for things like cooking, eating, bathing and sitting on the toilet.

That still gives you 13 hours each day, or 91 hours per week.

Now, let’s take away 45 hours a week for work and commuting. You still have 46 hours left over. Just for fun, let’s remove another 7 hours (an hour each day) and set it aside for a host of miscellaneous activities that I’m sure you do, things like shopping, paying bills, walking the dog, and cleaning the house. With those 7 hours gone, you still have 39 unaccounted for hours each week.

That is nearly 40 hours each and every week that you can’t account for. Is that shocking to you?

Don’t believe it? Then reduce that number by half. That is still nearly 20 unaccounted hours each week. Still don’t believe it, half it again. You STILL have 10 hours each week that you can’t logically account for. Ten hours that you have no idea how you spend. Ten hours every week that slides out of your life without notice. In a year’s time, that is 520 hours, or 32.5 days that are gone like a puff of smoke.

Now . . . tell me you don’t have time to spend 30 minutes a day on your health, your most precious resource!

I’ll tell you, to be mindful of your life, know what you are up to, challenge yourself to live each moment for the good and stop making excuses as to why your health, business, relationships suffer.

You have PLENTY of time to do the things that will change it for the better. IF, those things are as important to you as you say they are.

If they aren’t, quit making excuses for your bad behavior and own up to the fact that they just aren’t as important as you say they are. Spend those 10 hours watching TV, playing video games, surfing the net or whatever time waster you choose. Just be honest with yourself.

If however, this  is waking you from your busyness coma and you want to do something about it, consider using those precious hours in ways like this:

• Schedule quiet time: Whether you meditate daily, take a bath or just spend an hour a night with a book, create a space where you can clear your mind and pamper and care for yourself.
• Plan your shopping list and menu for the week. A good diet can help your body better deal with the effects of stress. Take your daily dose of healthy food.
• Create family time: Try to eat at least one meal a day with your family (or with friends if you’re single). Play a game, roll around on the floor. Whatever!
• Schedule love – build your relationships by scheduling “dates” with your partner or even your friends. Share yourself and feel human warmth, whether it is making love or giving a hug.
• Talk it out -Bottling up your frustrations, even the little ones, leads to stress. If you are feeling stressed, your partner/children/co-workers probably are too. Be the brave one and enter into a conversation that addresses your feelings and supports the feelings of others too.
• Prioritize – Figure out what in your life actually needs attention and what doesn’t. Before you go to bed each night, write out what needs to be done for the next day. Done at night, it allows your “to do” list to slip away from your mind and onto paper, allowing your brain to settle down for sleep.
• Meditate – you don’t have to be sitting down, in a lotus position to meditate. Meditation can be done almost anywhere, even when you are walking. In walking meditation, focus on the physical – how your feet feel in your shoes, when they touch the ground, the rhythm of your breath, the feel of the wind or sun on your skin. Listen to the sounds of nature, be aware of the people around you. Walking from your car into your office is a great time to meditate; it doesn’t have to be a certain length of time and you don’t have to be sitting on the floor in lotus position – simply count your steps or your breathe or the leaves on the trees. The goal is to produce relaxation and tranquility, a powerful stress reliever.

Remember to accept interruptions gracefully – Leave enough wiggle room so you can adapt to changes in your day. You don’t have to pack each moment full!

* * * * * * *

Last week I was watched Half Ton Mom, a show about a 29 year old mother of two whose emotional eating led her down of path that ultimately shortened her life and orphaned her daughters.  Weighing in at 900 pounds, Renee Williams essentially committed suicide by food, her food addiction was that strong.  By it wasn’t the ending of her life that saddened me, it has the hostage situation she had created for herself during her last four years on earth.

Bed-bound, Renee needed help for everything.  Leaving her home took a force of people, 8 emergency services workers pulling her out on a tarp.  The pain and embarrassment… and the denial… of her life is beyond what I can fully understand.

Renee began a documentary with the hopes of inspiring other morbidly obese people to seek help sooner with their food addiction than she did.  Having doctors gave her one year to live, she felt gastric bypass surgery was her only hope.  But at her weight, having a gastric bypass surgery was extremely risky, with only one doctor and hospital agreeing to do the procedure and only then after Renee begged for it to occur.  With only one year left to live, a chance at life was better than certain death.

Twelve days after her surgery, she died of a heart attack.  So sad.

So how did she get to be so big?  Even she didn’t really understand it, because (I feel) the self-protective cloak of denial was too strong.  She admitted to eating an enormous number of calories at times, but at other times states that she forced herself to eat, because she felt it had been ‘too long’ since her last meal.  She admitted to having a food addiction and that emotional eating had taken over her life but then emotionally manipulated others, to bring her a ‘fix’.

Did her story inspire, or add to the denial?  After all, most morbidly obese people weigh less than half of what Renee weighed.

And seeing pictures of her enormous body (bless her) can create a “I’m not that bad” attitude that wraps a denial cloak around them, almost giving them permission to keep going on their path.

Like the 550 pound client who swears he is eating on plan, yet is gaining 3-4 pounds per month… it is only through his wife that I can see the full picture.  His ‘one soda’ a day is a 2 liter.  His ‘small piece’ of cheese is a block.  He forgets that he has eaten a snack, or even a meal and then doubles up on the next.  The lies he tells himself is toxic… it is painful to watch.

And there are less extreme stories.  The woman who gains 10 pounds per year.  Ten years later (and those ten years go waaay fast), she steps on the scale 100 pounds too heavy.  In her mind, 100 pounds is extreme, but 10 per year was ok.  The denial of weight gain, and emotional eating, is excessive.

Most people don’t want to be fat.  Instead, they want to be comforted and protected.  But the thing that comforts and protects creates a biologically active mass of fat that creates the hostage situation, as surely as if a gun was held to their head.

Next time, I’m going to share some of the under the surface “why’s” that my clients uncover, the deep deep issue they are feeding.  Until then, I’m urging YOU to begin the self-discovery process by taking this free assessment offered by Dr. Gould’s emotional eating team.  It is revealing… and you will want to take it… to first understand if it is your emotions or your body that is hungry.

Take the Emotional Eating Diagnostic for Free.
In just a few minutes you will get a report that will highlight five personal insights into how your emotions effect your weight loss effort.

It’s ok!  I know… know deeply and personally… how difficult breaking the emotional eating cycle can be, if you choose to do it by yourself.  Lift your denial cloak, take this diagnostic assessment and begin to allow the weight of the world to lift from your life.

In the book, there is a poem that touched me deeply, so much so that I designed pretty fliers and gave them to my friends.  Now, I would like to share the poem with you…

I Am Enough

Today, I am enough.

I am smart enough.

Wise enough.

Clever enough.

Resourceful enough.

Able enough.

Confident enough.

I am connected to enough people to accomplish my heart’s desire.

I have enough ideas to pull off magic and miracles.

Enough is all I need.

Enough is what I have.

I have more than enough.

As I do all that I can do, I’m able to do more and more.

I am excited to be alive.  I rejoice and re-choice every day to make my life better.

I am happy, healthy, prosperous, successful, rich, loving, loved and beloved.

I am comfortable with myself, so I am comfortable with all others.

I confidently greet each day with a smile on my face and love in my heart.

Everyone who meets me is warmed by the radiance of my attitude.

I work on my attitude continuously.  I read positive, inspiring and uplifting books.

I associate with friendly, caring, nurturing people who are involved doing important things.

The people with whom I associate want more for me than I want for myself.

The projects with which I am involved WOW my soul.

I am passionately on-purpose to do good, be good and help others do the same.

I am enough.  I have enough.  I do enough.

You have the opportunity to purchase a book about a truly magnificent person.  Carole’s Story…A Scottish Gem will take you on an adventure, which involves romance, courage, strength and hope.  Befriend her, as you travel with Carole through her life.  You will become empowered, your inner strength will be ignited and it will make you follow your heart.  Put your faith into action and start out on your own life-changing journey as well as taken action in Michele’s journey of HOPE.

As Michele Rodger, author of “Carole’s Story…A Scottish Gem” was writing this book in tribute to her sister-in-law Carole’s life, she came into contact with so many people who wanted to support her cause, and her vision became crystal clear.  This book will be used as a vehicle in supporting the kanzius Cancer Research Foundation, a non-invasive treatment using radio waves.  Portions of the proceeds from the book will be donated to this research therefore, if you own this book you not only have purchased an incredible book but you have also personally contributed and became part of this journey of hope.

http://www.aScottishGem.com/book

A two-minute message from the author:

“The veil is pulled back and we are able to enter into the
strength, courage and fortitude of another soul who found themselves
walking through the dark night.

The courage and choice for life on all levels gives the reader
the opportunity to reconnect their forgotten strength that lies within.

This is a story of inspiration and encouragement that will
ignite the heart and soul of anyone who encounters it.”

Lauren E. Miller

Cancer Survivor

On the last two episodes of our Saving Superwoman radio show, Dr. Lisa Van Allen, Melanie Hoffner and I have been discussing the topic of forgiveness and unforgiveness. The shows have been powerful and I’ve found myself going back to them in my mind. Here, I share my thoughts with you.

Forgiveness Sounds Easy

There are many trite quotes about forgiveness, each of them making it sound sooo easy. It is, and isn’t. It is easy to say the words…. I forgive. It is less easy to let go of the connection that unforgiveness provides to your story.

My story was the death of my daughter, who lived for two years with a horrible heart defect. For many years, I was tied to that story by my unforgiveness of myself (I shouldn’t have drank the coke, done the aerobics class, chosen those doctors, that hospital, etc, etc, etc,). I allowed my story of sadness and self-abuse to shine brighter than the gift she was to this planet. My unforgiveness stole the light from her, and focused it on me. I’ve had to forgive myself for that too!

Unforgiveness lives in the mood space of resentment and resentment occurs when you are in non-acceptance of the facts of your life. Brennan was dead, yes. There was a funeral, a death certificate…these were facts. But I was in non-acceptance of the fact that she was gone – she shouldn’t have died, I should have done something different, God shouldn’t have taken her.

Staying resentful and in non-forgiveness took a toll on my body. Resentment and non-forgiveness is toxic and it spills out into every area of life.

There are many facts that shouldn’t be… bad things happen to good people and it sucks. But at the end of the day, they happen.

• You can not un-rape a women.
• You can not un-dead a person.
• You can not un-molest a child.
• You can not un-steal from someone.
• You can not un-lie.
• You can not un-cheat.
• You can not un-bankrupt.
• You can not un-bounce a check.
• You can not un-divorce the pain of divorce.
• You can not un-wreck your car.
• You can not un-say words.
• You can not un-do actions.
• You can not un-birth a child or un-do an abortion.
• You can not un-eat that food or un-take those drugs.

At the point they happen, they become facts. It is what you do with those facts that determine the rest of your life. Are you in acceptance, or non-acceptance of those facts?

Remember, non-acceptance creates resentment, the place where non-forgiveness lives. Acceptance of the facts lives in the mood space of peace. Yes, peace, a beautiful place to live. But you can never live there until you step through the door of forgiveness.

How To Forgive

One of the most powerful keys to finding peace in your life is by accepting the facts (those listed above and the many others not listed) and forgiving all parties involved… even yourself.

But how?

I’m currently reading the book Living Successfully with Screwed-Up People by Elizabeth B. Brown and while the title of the book is smile-worthy, it is a terrific book for anyone who is coping with a screwed up person (SUP) at home, work, or otherwise. And especially awesome to read if the screwed up person is YOU.

In the book, Elizabeth writes about forgiveness and I especially connected to this paragraph:

“Forgiveness happens when a mental lighbulb turns on. She may drive me crazy, but I am the one who carries the baggage everywhere I go. Forgiving is a choice that gets rid of the baggage.

It turns mere survival into victorious living as it cuts you loose from the power of your abusers and your desire to do them wrong. Failure to forgive lock you into a self-focus that pleads for restitution and revenge.”

To the question “how many times should I forgive?”, Elizabeth answers:

“… as many times as necessary to free yourself from becoming just like the person who is making you suffer.”

(go ahead and exhale on that one)

To better answer the “how to forgive” question, here are some suggestions I’ve found that work in my life:

• Just do it…ok just say it to be more precise. Directly to the person (or mirror if the person needing forgiveness is you). Or just a forgiveness conversation to the clouds. If the person you are forgiving is dead, un-locateable, or you are simply afraid to be near them… that’s ok. Forgiveness is for you. Say out loud “I forgive you and I release myself from this burden forever.” You may need to say this many times, over many days, months or years. Say it as many times as it takes to feel truly released from the baggage.

• Grab a friend. It is ok to practice your forgiveness with someone else. If you choose to forgive your offender in person, you can practice the conversation with someone close to you. Make sure that your friends responds to your act of forgiveness in varying ways. For example: have your friend cry, get angry, yell, turn the tables, blame you. Practice all of these emotions so that you can stay in your forgiveness conversation fully prepared for whatever occurs.

• Write a letter. Whether you send it or not, the act of writing out your feelings is very therapeutic. And, if you choose to send the letter, it allows space and time for the recipient to reflect on the message and respond… and If you don’t have a friend, hire a coach like me. Someone who won’t let you off easy and who will fully support you to reaching your goal. Sometimes it takes someone trained in conflict resolution to provide you the trusted support you need. Do whatever it takes to get the support you need!
• Visit the Saving Superwoman Sanctuary, where Dr. Lisa, Melanie and I provide resources and other forgiveness tools.

• Get Radical. There is a tremendously powerful training system called Radical Forgiveness that provides support on levels. Created by Colin Tipping, there is a wealth of information to be gained just by visiting his site. He even provides a ton of free information including the Radical Forgiveness Worksheet and the Self-Forgiveness worksheet and many more. I’ve used his processes and they are powerful.

Blessings,

Lynette

If you have suggestions or processes that have worked for you, please share them in the comments section below.

This morning I was watching a re-run of Too Fat for Fifteen and my heart simply pounds for these young people. In this episode, the kids return home from Thanksgiving break and face the traditional Thanksgiving table. Watching these battle, so young, with their food addition is sad. And it inspired this article…

Why is Food Such A Hard Habit To Break?

It’s been said that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. Sounds reasonable right? Practice makes perfect so 21 straight days of perfect practice should certainly entrench those neural pathways until the new habit becomes permanent.

It works… for most things. But can this same habit forming formula work in the face of fat, salt and sugar?

THE HABIT OF DIETING

Going on a diet and stopping the habit of overeating isn’t the same as trying to break a habit such as biting your fingernails. And dieters need to know that. I speak to people striving to lose weight each day who are SO hard on themselves because “I did really well for a two months… then slid back into my old habits”. I don’t know anyone more at war with themselves than chronic dieters.

I have something to say those working to get their weight were they want: Being overweight IS your responsibility. But it isn’t your fault.

It is your responsibility because you made choices in the beginning that led you down this path of un-health. There were things you did or didn’t do that propelled you to this shape. You must take responsibility for that.

Then… forces outside of your control took over, bound on keeping you where you are. That is what makes dieting so hard… it’s your willpower versus a number of obstacles that have nothing to do with you as a person.

ADDICTING FOOD

One reason dieting is hard is that food creates a chemical reaction in your body that can be as addicting as any drug. Scans of people’s brain on sugar show similar reactions as if their brain was on cocaine.

Food is very addicting… and food scientist know it!

The November 21, 2009 issue of Science News, released a study on rats that indicate food is as addicting as narcotics for some people.

In the study, rats were fed a junk food diet which included foods such as cakes, sausage and bacon. The rats quickly adopted the habits seen in drug addiction… they wanted the food more often and needed more of it to feel satisfied. They even refused to eat regular food, even to the point of starvation. And, the rats continued to eat the junk foods even when their little mouse feet where zapped with an electrical current.

Get this… once the rats went back to nutritious food, their bodies took a long time to recover, some never regaining their normal eating habits.

And get this… when the scientist tested the brains and intestines of the rats, they found biochemical changes that led the researchers to conclude that their brains and digestive system had become captive of the chemical changes as a result of eating the junk food – which is what addiction is. And as with drug addiction, food addiction can create changes that are difficult to un-change.

FOOD SCIENCE AT WORK

In his breakthrough book The End of Overeating, Dr. David Kessler writes about how rewarding foods (those with a mixture of fat, salt and sugar) are “altering the biological circuitry” and essentially re-wiring our brains – and how the food industry is making billions of dollars by feeding this addiction.

In the book, Dr. Kessler states “The food industry is not only generating billions of dollars for itself by designing hyperpalatable combinations of sugar, fat and salt – it’s also creating products that have the capacity to re-wire our brains, driving us to seek out more and more of those products.”

For a buck, they are willing to sentence you to a life of dieting and disease. Yes, you are being manipulated… just like Pavlov manipulated the dog.

YOUR FAT CELLS AT WORK

After you have gained 15-20 pounds beyond what is healthy for you, your fat cells take over and become another obstacle to re-gaining your shape. That’s because fat cells are biologically active and actually change the environment inside of you — your hormones, your energy level, your physical chemistry.

In a future post, I will share more as to how your fat cells make you fatter. For now simply understand that you are in a quicksand of fat cells that make movement and escape more difficult.

WHAT TO DO

In Dr. Kessler’s book, he provides steps on how to break the addiction you have to food. If you are a self-starter and trust yourself enough to follow his steps… go buy his book – The End of Overeating – NOW!! And begin the process right away.

Or hire a coach like me to support you through the emotional and physical obstacles that are keeping you stuck and create systems to reverse old habit and create new ones.

Or join a program that is specifically for emotional overeating. One that I like was created by Dr. Roger Gould which has been used by over 30,000 people, 22 clinics and 20 hospitals. Dr. Gould has pinpointed twelve types of hunger that can make you break your diet… most of which are emotionally based. His site offers an emotional eating diagnostic assessment which provides you with a report that will highlight five personal insights into how your emotions effect your weight loss effort.

It is very cool…and free…and eye-opening.

Click here –>> to Take the Emotional Eating Diagnostic for Free.

In the meantime… take a deep breath and relax. Although you started the journey that got you to your current body shape and state of health, know that there are forces at work keeping you there. And there are forces at work committed to supporting you to where you want to be. I’m love you and I’m here for you. Be sure to reach out.

There is much controversy and confusion surrounding vitamins and minerals, ranging from quality, to quantity to combination.  If you are confused about vitamins and which ones you should be taking, Dr. Andrew Weil is your new best friend.

Introducing Dr. Weil’s Vitamin Advisor

The Vitamin Advisor is a health and lifestyle questionnaire created by Dr. Andrew Weil and his science advisory team.   Taking about 10 minutes to complete, you’ll answer questions about your diet, lifestyle habits, age, gender, health concerns, medications and other factors that affect your nutrition needs.

After you click the “Submit” button, your answers are processed and you receive a detailed list of the supplements that would best meet your unique and individual nutritional needs.

Cool, huh?

Even cooler…  this personal recommendation is presented to you, free, with no obligation to buy from Dr. Weil’s company.  You can take your list and buy where ever you choose, or buy from his online store.

And the coolness doesn’t stop there… Dr. Weil donates all of his after-tax profits from royalties received by Weil Lifestyle, LLC from the sale of these products to The Weil Foundation, a not-for-profit organization dedicated to advancing integrative medicine by supporting education and research. It is funded through contributions from Dr. Weil and by others committed to education and research in integrative medicine.

So go on… Click here to take advantage of this free resource and take the right mix of vitamin supplements for YOUR body (and stop taking supplements you simply don’t need!)–>>>  Confused About Vitamins? Take the Dr. Weil Vitamin Advisor today

And if you choose to purchase any supplements from Dr. Weil…. Free Vitamin Recommendation + 25% Off Your Order

Few things can be as stressful as when a marriage is falling apart, and in today’s society, there’s a 50-50 chance of that happening.  Marriage counseling is at a high, but so are divorces… not to mention the ‘do we stay or go’ marriages that make for cold sleeping quarters.  And that stress to try to save a marriage creates a chain of events in your body that cause you to suffer physically, mentally and spiritually.

In a marriage where you are trying to be heard, feel ignored or have simply given up caring… your health is going to suffer.

The Mis-Information About Information

Email, texts, tweets and skype… we live in a communication super society.  With one click, we can communicate with anyone in the world. It’s easy, quick, and often free. And there are options. If you don’t want to click, you could page, dial, instant-message, page or overnight mail. It’s true. Your ability to communicate with the outside world has become increasingly easy. But what about your inside world… has your communication with your spouse increased… or become increasingly difficult?

Most people confuse INFORMATION communication with PERSONAL communication. Technological advancements give us all sorts of options to communicate information. But how do you feel the pulse of someone’s soul? How do you communicate the subtleties in your heart? You can’t text message that. You can have the latest and greatest in communication gadgets, but it won’t matter. PERSONAL communication is a whole different ball game. And it’s PERSONAL communication that determines the success or failure of your marriage.

How the Information Highway Is Causing Head-on Collisions

According to Mort Fertel, marriage coach and author of Marriage Fitness, technology is killing marriages these days.  “More and more I’m seeing husbands and wives resort to email to communicate with each other. You want to do something tangible TODAY to improve your marriage? STOP EMAILING YOUR SPOUSE!” Mort said.  “Email is for INFORMATION. But in a marriage you’ve got to HEAR each other. And I don’t mean hear the sounds of each other’s words. You’ve got to be able to hear the silence between the sounds and interpret the unspoken meaning of a pressed lips or teary eyes. You’ve got to be able to hear the shapes and sounds in each other’s heart. You can NOT accomplish this via email.”

Makes sense!  And then he speaks about something that gave me pause…

“And let me be clear about something,” Mort continued”  “You can’t do it with communication techniques either.”

READ THIS>>> “There’s no clinical communication therapy that can help you and your spouse think each other’s thoughts, feel each other joy, and cringe from each other’s pain. My 1-on-1 phone session schedule and the Marriage Fitness Tele Boot Camp are filled with casualties from traditional communication strategies and the usual marriage counseling approach. If you’re like most people with marriage trouble, you’ve been down that path and you know that it does NOT work.”

Mort then shares this story:

Today, my 4-year-old son came to me with a bruise on his leg. He was crying and I could see that it was black and blue. He said, “Daddy, I need a band-aide.”

I responded, “But it’s not bleeding.”

He said again, “Daddy, can you put a band-aide on it?”

I realized that my son’s perspective was that when something hurts a band-aide makes it better…even if it’s a bruise and not a cut.

So what does this have to do with communication in a marriage? Because most people think that if spouses aren’t hearing each other that communication techniques will solve the problem. But that’s like putting a band-aide on a bruise. It’s the wrong solution.

Communication techniques can help colleagues transmit INFORMATION clearly. Communication techniques belong in seminars that teach negotiation and sales. But you’re not trying to complete a transaction with your spouse; you’re trying to renew a relationship. I can almost guarantee you that your problem is not clarity; it’s concern. Ironically, communication techniques sometimes give people clarity that they don’t care what their spouse thinks or feels. They “got it,” but “it” doesn’t matter to them anymore.

WHAT IS THE SOLUTION?

How do you get back to the place where you and your spouse care again?

Not with most traditional marriage therapies, says Mort.  “Most approaches to marriage success preach communication skills. But communicating effectively will NOT create love in your marriage. In fact, the correlation is the opposite. Creating love in your marriage paves the way for effective communication.”

“I’ll prove it to you,” Mort stated.

“Think about when you fell in love. How was your communication? Good, right? In fact, when you’re in love, you communicate with the wink of an eye and you can finish each other’s sentences.

And yet you haven’t known each other that long and you haven’t learned any communication techniques.”

“Then, years later, after getting to know each other inside and out, employing psychologically tested and proven communication strategies, and taking into account all the differences between

Mars and Venus, you can’t get through to each other.”

“Listen carefully:  Communication has very little to do with techniques or knowledge of each other. It has everything to do with the depth of connection between the communicators.”  “The question you should be asking is NOT, “How do I communicate effectively with my spouse.” The question you should be asking is, “How do I connect with my spouse again?” Once you reconnect, you won’t be sitting in silence in the bedroom.”

Where To Begin
If you want to learn how to connect with your spouse again, a good place to start is with Mort’s FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” as well as a FREE marriage assessment. He offers other services as well, including personal session but the report is step one.  CLICK HERE to get the free report and learn more about marriage counseling alternatives.

If your body fails….everything else goes away.

Harsh huh? But true. The business you are working on building, the children that you love, the house you work to keep clean, the relationships you savor. Gone. Or at least diminished. But never the same as before.

And it’s easy to do. Where our attention goes is where our energy flows and if your attention is on everything besides your body and health… the neglect is going to come back to haunt you. In the short term and long.

In the short term, you’re working on fumes when you don’t feed your body the foods it needs to be nourished properly. By eating fast and processed foods you’re working against your blood sugar, your hormones and a brain that is inflamed and not working properly. Your focus is fuzzy, your energy low and you’re simply working harder, not smarter.

In the long term, you’re creating a multitude of disease that land you in the doctor’s office and in a graveyard much too soon.

Did you know that your health is your most important business asset? Think about this. How much more money could you be making if your energy level was high, your focus was sharp, your brain was working optimally and you had the physical strength to do the things that needed to be done?

How could your relationships be different?

Your body?

Your self-confidence?

The amount of money you make?

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